I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
