So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
