he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
