At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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