I cannot find my penis.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
