we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she peed on how many people?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
