my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
