I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
