How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
