She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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