bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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