Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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