this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
