his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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