I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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