I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
