Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
