why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
