I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
