Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
