worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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