guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
