I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
