drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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