It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
