You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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