Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
