she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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