And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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