i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
