Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
