Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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