you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
