You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
