Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
