i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
