Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
