Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
