Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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