What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
