i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
