Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
