Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
