I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We need to get me chipped asap
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
