My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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