I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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