My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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