I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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