Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
