this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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