I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
