Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
