so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
