I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
