How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
