wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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