it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
