No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
