An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
